THE POWER OF FEAR

My life has been a challenging assortment of stuff over the past several months. Lots of changes, some loss, some heartache, and a whole lot of confusion. It has affected my health, my heart, and my writing.

At the core of all of this is one simple truth deep within myself, but this truth scared me beyond all other fears I had ever experienced. It scared me so intensely that I pulled away from God in terror – in gut-wrenching fear of receiving His condemnation. Countless hours of crying until there were no more tears, praying until I had no more words, screaming at the heavens until I had no voice brought no relief or release. I pulled away from Him further and pulled deeper in to myself.

The funny thing is, He had already prepared for the day when I would cry out like this a long time ago in an old hymn He embedded deep in my heart and in an early and continuous relationship with Him that firmly plant the roots of my soul. I did not see it at the time, but I see it now – which is how it often happens. I now realize that, in my terror and in pulling away from God, I hindered my own writing and robbed myself of the peace that was freely offered to me.

Through all of this, I have been richly blessed with friends who were patient with me beyond belief, spoke truth to me even when I did not want to hear it and didn’t like what they said, and continually reassured me that I really was okay….that I was not broken or messed up beyond repair. At one point, I even screamed to the heavens demanding to know if there was not mercy and grace for even me, but I now see that the friends He has placed in my life speak to the depths of His love for me. They are the representation of His grace and mercy poured out on my life.

I am working on accepting and not hiding the truth of myself and learning to walk in the freedom that was given to me long ago even though I was too blinded by fear to see it.

I do not know where you are in your journey, but I pray that His peace surrounds you, His love enfolds you, and grace goes before you each step of the way.

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To Be Found At His Feet

Rather than write about a segment of my journey or a particular place I am at in my life, I thought I would share some of my praise, some of my heart. This is the heartbeat behind my journey and, regardless of all else, the journey is for Him. I long “To Be Found At His Feet.”

To Be Found At His Feet

At His feet, we humbly fall –
in reverent adoration.
At His feet, we humbly fall –
our burdens tumbling down before Him.
At His feet, we humbly fall –
Laying down our dreams.

At His feet – the place my heart most longs to be,
So humbling,
full of mercy,
unending grace.

To lay myself,
my dreams,
my all before Him –
I am speechless, my Lord.

Tears of gratitude flood my eyes,
rivers form within my heart.

I pour out my all,
my praise,
my heart –
all before you, my King.

Mercy unending,
grace undeserved,
love unfailing –
All found at Your feet.

A Return to the Cross

This week has been one of repentance, renewed focus, redirected ways of thinking. There has been a need to get back to the basics, to the beginning – and that is Calvary. The cross is the beginning of everything.

In light of that, I wanted to take a different approach to this week’s moment from the River. Rather than discuss what the cross means to me (which, by the way, is everything) or the importance of redemption (which, is essential) or the miraculous gift given to us that day by Jesus (debt paid in full, access to the Throne of Grace, adoption into the Family…), I would rather share with you a picture painted with words. He is the inspiration, He is the picture, He is the reason, He is the poet – I just merely show up and hold the pen.

A HEART’S GETHSEMANE

Sobs of anguish, cries in desperation.
Heart breaking prayers of agony.
Alone, darkness all around.

Three times prayed, three times acknowledged, sweat falls as drops of blood.
Foreknowledge of the future weighing heavy.
Toward His final work He must continue. It is the Father’s will.

Alone again, morning light around. The beating continues, whips fly their task.
Flesh dangles free, body ripped and torn.
The question remains, is this beaten, bludgeoned mass even human?

Forced to bear the burden himself, continuing on alone.
The beating continues, the scorns rain down.
Torment from all around, no mercy in sight.

Nailed in place, suspended in air. Loving hands secured, feet that brought peace now stilled.
Every breath brings pain. Back ripped open by beating, forced against rough-hewn wood.
His mother weeping, watching, witnessing.

“I thirst.”, “Why have you forsaken me?”
“It is finished.”
Death.

Creation reels in agony. The rocks cry out, split open.
Darkness falls all around. Could this really be?
Spear thrust into the side, precious blood spills on this now sacred ground.

Three days in the grave. A stone rolled away. Only grave clothes left behind!
Death defeated!
Life purchased and free.

Sobs of anguish, cries in desperation.
Heart breaking prayers of agony.
Alone, darkness all around.

The revelation’s astounding, mind overwhelmed.
Heart-rending truth from the depths of the soul,
“Oh Lord, those were my nails! It should have been me!”

A quiet knock, a quick reply. Cries of hope and peace.
Gazing at the cross once more, an attempted understanding. Incomprehensible.
Grace! Pardon! Mercy!

Alone no more. Darkness no longer surrounding.
Darkness dispelled, light has entered, peace has come.
It truly is finished for mercy ran to me!